Candy Tyrant
by Chiiharu
Summary: Semi-omniscient villains never go around 'trick-or-treating' in pear costumes. Ever.


**A/N:** This is just like my "Complete Misunderstanding" oneshot. It's basically poking a bunch of fun at Kohana's inability to actually form a cohesive idea of being a normal human being. XD;; And in this one, Kohana learns manners from a nice, unnamed elderly woman. Just something really short written for English class.

This also proves that I can never write anything in season. XD;;

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_I _want_ candy._

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**-: Candy Tyrant :-**

There is absolutely no fun in going around and knocking on people's doors asking for candy.

Lost in a deep, metaphorical thought, Kohana narrows her eyes at the oaken, Halloween-decorated door in front of her. Her arms are practically glued to her sides; if the little bag in her hand were real, it would be dying from suffocation right now. Halloween was never this big in Japan when she was growing up. There was no such thing as going around pestering people to give you candy, because most people didn't care about Halloween. Of course people knew about the holiday, but celebrating it was a different story. Now though... Now Kohana's been forced to come outside on a windy day with her daughter, being stared at by little kids. She hates kids. Gritting her teeth, her scowl gets deeper and deeper until something inside of her breaks.

Maybe it's the crickets chirping.

Maybe it's the kids running around in circles behind her, screaming at the top of their lungs.

...But Kohana's sanity snaps and she twitches for a moment. "IhatethisplaceIhatethisplace." She pauses and Sayuri actually takes offense to this, glaring at the door and trying to ignore her mother. "_Ihatethiscostume_. Sayuri!" Kohana shouts, much to her daughter's discontent. Sayuri's glance never leaves the door, but she does simper.

"What!" Sayuri shouts at the top of her lungs. Kohana's eyes widen and she stares at Sayuri for a while. She wasn't expecting her daughter to yell at her like that... It was kind of... Admirable, if she's allowed to think that. Looking towards the purple-haired teenager, Kohana's grip loosens on her empty, purple bag.

"I hate this costume," she insists with a soft voice, pouting a little bit. Sayuri narrows her eyes once again from under her black mask, clenching her fists. No one asked Kohana to pick a costume she didn't want to wear.

"Well, why did you pick it?" the Summoner of Time questions, biting back her tongue.

The mother taps her chin for a moment before blinking. And then the magical frown creeps back up on her face again. It's too cold to think logically, and she just really does not want to be outside anymore. Or on Earth, to be more specific. "Oh, why did_ I_ pick this costume? Why did_ I _pick this silly thing to wear?" Kohana presses, a pent up rage building up inside of her. "I'll tell you why I picked this costume—!" Before she can finish her sentence, streamers wave in her peripheral vision and little kids run towards the middle-aged woman, pointing at her.

"Hey! Look! That woman is wearing a pear outfit! What a lame costume! What an idiot!" Extremely angered by this comment, Kohana turns around and grits her teeth, fuming with rage. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a fruit for Halloween! It's original, isn't it? Sayuri chuckles under her breath, smiling and glancing at the veins popping out in her mother's forehead.

"Shut up—!"

"—Mom, stop it." In an instant, Kohana calms down, glancing at her daughter. Good. She's calmed down. Actually, that's the quickest Sayuri's ever seen Kohana calm down. It could be worse. Her mother could be threatening to kill a bunch of eight-year-olds right now. See, there's this thing called jail, and Sayuri would like Kohana to be aware of it. Even if she's actually a person that possesses power over time and space—a superhero, if you will. All because of a little project created to save the world... Sayuri extends her index finger, letting out a petite huff. "Okay, Kohana. Ring the doorbell."

What an silly thing to ask! The purple-haired woman rolls her eyes and looks at Sayuri once. "I can barely even move."

"Fine!" Sayuri shouts, grumbling. "I'll ring it myself." And she stays true to her word. Sayuri lifts up a finger, pressing the doorbell and bobbing to the song that subsequently plays. It isn't long before an old woman answers the door. She's the normal brand of elderly folk—grey, puffy hair, a long pink dress, and a walker for support. Underneath her breath, Kohana lets out an immature laugh. The elderly woman adjusts her glasses, her smile stretching from ear to ear.

"Hello there children!" Her voice is scraggly, forced. Sayuri's grinning back at the old woman, but Kohana's face contorts at the word 'children'. She lifts a brow, frowning. Does she really look like a child to this old woman, or is this lady just joking? "Happy Halloween! Wee—_acakkaaa!—acakkkaaa!_" Now Kohana's sickened. She takes a small step back, looking down at the green-painted cardboard box surrounding her.

"Eww!" she exclaims, looking back at the old lady. "Don't cough on me, you old hag! And furthermore, I'm not a damn child." She pauses, looking down at the ground. "And lastly, this Halloween is not happy."

"Ah! That's a very, very, very adorable outfit! What are you? A giant orange?"

"Old hag!" Kohana exclaims, pointing an index-finger in her face. "I'm a pear! A pear! How the hell do you get those two things mixed up?"

"A giant apple?"

"Are you _deaf?"_ She shouts, stomping her foot on the ground. Sayuri finds all of this highly amusing, and chooses to just stay silent so she can watch this event unfold. It's been a while since Kohana's actually been matched as far as 'annoyances' go. Never has there been someone to top how annoying Kohana can be... And now it looks like this simple old lady—a person that you can find in everyday life—is the one that will beat Kohana at her own game.

"Why, thank you!"

"What," Kohana utters, totally and completely confused. What is she being thanked for? She just insulted the elderly woman, didn't she? Before Kohana can say another word, Sayuri thrusts her purple Halloween bag towards the woman, smiling brightly.

"Trick or treat!" Sayuri proclaims, smirking and grabbing on to her cape with her free hand. "I'm Batgirl!" The teenager taps her fingers on the insignia on her chest, spinning around in one place as she snaps her fingers. The elderly woman reaches over towards the bowl of candy sitting on her dresser and she grabs a handful, putting assorted items in Sayuri's bag, albeit slowly.

Kohana is enraged at this.

Urgh, why is her daughter so annoying?

"'Trick or treat, I'm Batgirl,'" Kohana mocks, shaking her head. The elderly woman waves at them, trying to move her walker out of the doorway.

"Have a happy Halloween!"

"Thanks!" Sayuri replies, bowing down. That is, until, Kohana thrusts her bag in front of the woman's face, making Sayuri cease her actions. There's nothing but complete and utter silence for a while, and that's when Kohana starts to simper, her arm shaking.

"Well? Aren't you going to do something?"

The elderly woman scowls. "Excuse me?"

"Candy. Bag. Now," Kohana says in a low growl. How dare this woman give candy to her daughter and not to her! Does she have any idea who is standing in front of her? Kohana's probably saved her life ten times over now. Is this the respect she gets?

"A-ask properly." This old lady isn't going to play with Kohana; her frown is glued to her face and she means what she says. The purple-haired woman, however, is not going to take no for an answer.

"What?"

"Kohana," Sayuri says, sighing. "You're meant to say 'Trick or treat.'"

"No way."

"Say it," the woman demands.

"No."

"Say it."

"I will do no such thing!" Every part of Kohana's face turns red. "J-just give me my candy so I can go home!"

"No. Not until you say trick or treat."

"Trawnda." Kohana mutters, her grip tightening on her bag. And once again Sayuri's smile crawls on her face.

"Louder."

"Trick or treat."

"Like. You. Mean. It."

"_Trick-or-fucking-treat!"_ she yells, cracking the windows in front of the woman's home. Sayuri takes a small step back, looking at the damage. Woah, Kohana needs to lay off the power here. Any louder and she would have blown off this lady's head... The elderly woman is appalled by Kohana's lack of manners, and so she glares at the middle-aged woman.

"Y-you didn't have to yell...!"

"Give. Me. My. Candy. _NOW!" _The only thing Kohana seems to get is a really nasty glare from her newly found friend here. She quirks her nose, and then she grins a sadistic smile. "Oh, I see! Ohohoho! I see all right! Since you won't give me my treat, isn't the rightful thing to do trick? Ah yes! _Aha_ha_hha_! Trick!" Sayuri closes her eyes, letting out an exasperated sigh. She can't believe this is happening. "Yes, that's right!" Kohana proclaims, throwing her freehand in the air as best as she can. "Prepare yourself, witch! You're tangoing with me now! This is what you get!" Digging into the confines of her pear costume, she pulls out about three eggs. Smirking wickedly, she lets out a sigh, her eyes gleaming at the elderly woman's distressed face. "Prepare for... _Egg_termination! Ahahah! Wah—!"

Kohana flings the eggs forward, but forgets that her costume forbids her from doing anything extraneous. And as an unfortunate result, all three eggs fall flat on the ground. And, of course, the party of three find themselves staring at the gooey pile of egg in front of them. Sayuri narrows her eyes, the old lady narrows her eyes at Kohana, and Kohana shrugs her shoulders. "I meant to do that. Anyway! I still have a lot of other ways I can get you to give me my candy! You hear that old hag? Do you hear that? Not going to listen to me, huh? How dare you—!"

"I'm the big bad Wickedness, raaawrrrrr!" Sayuri mumbles under her breath, kicking at the air. Kohana takes offense to that, of course.

"Hey, shut up! This is between me and this old lady. And I'm also just that! I'm also the big bad Wickedness of... Halloween tricks." She pauses to the sound of the elderly woman slamming the door in their faces. However, Kohana doesn't notice, because she has her eyes closed. "So get ready, because...!"

"She's gone."

"She's who?"

"Kohana. She closed the door."

"She's _who?"_

"She closed the door! Sheesh!"

"Oh! Did she now? I don't think so. Come out!" The purple-haired woman immediately kicks the door off the hinges in one swift movement... But as soon as she walks into the house, her pear shape gets stuck in the threshold of the door. Sweet. Sayuri lifts a brow, watching Kohana struggle. "Sayuri? Sayuri? I'm stuck in this douchebag's door! Quick! Grab my pear and get me out!"

I think not.

Sayuri turns around and Kohana gets even redder. "Hey! Don't you leave out on me! Don't you dare think about it! Sayuri! Sayuri! Come back here you _half-breed!_"

And while in the process of ditching her mother, Sayuri learns one thing.

Semi-omniscient villains never go around 'trick-or-treating' in pear costumes. Ever.


End file.
